A Tragic Story of Wanting to Do Something Good for a Friend, but Failing

Dear reader, let me tell you a tragic tale that involves a young woman named Airin Rinlee Day Rite and another young lass named Porkus Bee Binky Binks.

Once upon a time, Porkus Bee Binky Binks made some delicious, chocolatey, peanut buttery, powdered sugary muddy buddies. She was so joyous over the splendid spoils she had strenuously toiled over with her own two hands, and she greatly desired to share these delicious goodies with her friends. In particular, she wanted to share them with a beautiful maiden named Airin Rinlee Day Rite.

Binks knew of Rinlee's condition where her poor tummy cannot partake of the substance we shall call Glue-tin, and she thought that a generic brand of RICE and CORN Chex would not contain Glue-tin. But, Binks decided to check the ingredients on both of the generic Chex cereal boxes before she gave some to Rinlee, just to be on the safe side. Alas! Alak! To her awful dismay, both kinds contained Bar-leigh Mawlt X-Trakt, a relative of the dreaded Glue-tin! Disappointedly, Binkers set aside the muddy buddies.

Then a brilliant idea struck her, just like how a shiny, new, environmentally-friendly car strikes in a not-so-environmentally-friendly manner a warty toad that decides to cross the road at quite a fatal moment. "I shall make Ringolee some rice crispy treats!" Binks exclaimed exclamatedly. She figured puffed rice cereal in rice crispy treats wouldn't contain the evil villain Glue-tin. She melted some butter (golden in color, yet slippery to the touch!) and Fluffy Puff marshmallows in a pot. As she was adding the crispy part of rice crispy treats, she glanced at the ingredients on the box. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" she cried aloud. On the list she saw "mawlt flayvoreeng," which of course, is also a relative of the Glue-tin Rinlee's tummy so despises. Binks's head hung low as she finished making the rice crispy treats. When she was done, she sat down and wept bitterly, in sackcloth and ashes.

The end.