Feelings

A jumbled mess.

Broken up and clumped into a heap.

Held together with ancient and crumbling rubber bands that are about to snap, rusty paper clips bent at awkward angles, ribbon that has been hopelessly frayed, and scotch tape that has lost the majority of its stickiness.

Falling apart.

The seams are wearing down; they can't hold everything together. Ripping, breaking, tearing.

Desperately trying to pick up the pieces as they tumble down, but bending over to pick them up only makes more spill out.

It's futile. Useless. Empty.

Empty. Empty except for a sullen sadness that has seemed to have filled everything up. Go through the motions, sleep, eat, talk, plug away...even though there is no desire to do any of these. Occasionally something or someone or some idea comes and makes things better for a while, nudging some brightness and warmth back inside. But once they step away the brightness fizzles out, the warmth slowly seeps away. It's gone. Leaving everything feeling even more empty and cold than before.

You try. You try hard, but to no avail.

It's a bit like taking twenty minutes to build an amazing deli sandwich with the works on it, then finally sitting at the table, raising it up to your lips and seeing a blotch of fuzz on the multi-grain fibers. On closer examination, mold is found all over. Reluctantly, you toss the whole thing in the garbage can. You didn't want it anyway...right?

Confusion swirls around, clouding every thought and every choice in every situation that springs up in countless numbers. Don't know what, don't know how, don't know why. Hating the fact that nothing can be done. Frustration boils deep, skewing thoughts and venting out as tears.

Please help. Patch me up, stitch me up tight, super glue me back together so I'll never break again.

Jesus, take the wheel.